MAN FOUND THAT DIDN'T KNOW VALERIE PLAME WORKED FOR CIA
January 3, 2006
ThePATriotBlog

Just last month, this blog, was the first to uncover a real live Gallup poll participant. Well today we have found something even rarer... a person who claims to have NOT KNOWN Valerie Plame worked for the CIA.

I know...
Shocking...

Evidently he wasn't in Scooter Libby's email address book.

The man, Charles Wilson, says he doesn't have much time to watch a lot of TV and pay attention to world events so apparently the news of Miss Plame's outing came as a shock.

"No way... next thing you're going to tell me we landed a man on the moon!" said Wilson. We then informed him that, yes indeed, we have landed men on the moon to which he replied, "Well good for JFK... he said we'd do it and he was right... how is old John doing anyway?" Sadly we had to inform Mr. Wilson that President Kennedy was assassinated in 1963.

Mr. Wilson was happy to hear the Berlin Wall came down but was dismayed to find out about OJ Simpson and his former wife Nicole, "You'd have thought they'd have had something in the news about something that big... wouldn't ya?"

Finally Mr. Wilson asked to see a picture of Mrs. Plame...

"Ohhhhhh Joe Wilson's wife the CIA agent...
Heck everybody knows who she is!"

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA
TO OPEN
NEW WALMART
January 3, 2006
by The PATroitBlog

Well Supremes...
don't say we didn't warn you but...
The Patriot Blog has just found out that the District of Columbia has invoked it's "Takings Clause" right of eminent domain and will be selling off a piece of property that brought No Tax Revenue. The Supreme Court Building.

In it's place, they intend to open a Walmart Super Center.
Guess those Judges will have to get real Jobs now!
hmmmm...



Ewwwww... well it was Just a Thought!

NEW YORK TIMES REVEALS
"THE BIG ONE"
Proof Positive that Bush and Blair "Sexed Up" Evidence Pre-Invasion
January 2, 2006
by The PATriotBlog

In a stunning revelation of just how vile and corrupt the current administration is, the unbiased and totally fair New York Times revealed two documents that are sure to have Liberal nut bag bloggers and Left wing CSPAN callers abuzz for months.

Pinch "My daddy gave me this job" Salzburg made this statement...

"Okay we've been fooled before. Had our hopes up and then dashed. We thought Richard Clark with his "hair on fire" would bring down this administration. We thought the 911 Commission surely would show the world what a doo doo head Bush is for not connecting the dots. Certainly the 60 minutes Bush AWOL hit piece just before the election was going to do it. Katrina... Abu Gharib... Gitmo... Torture... 2,000 soldiers killed... effin' Cindy Sheehan and Dick Murtha for crying out loud... certainly the American People would revolt because the President is wire tapping terrorist... what is it going to take??? Well... now we got "W" by the short hairs... we got proof positive he cooked up the WMD evidence and Tony Blair sexed it up as well... we have..."

Lesson One:
TERRORIST ARE PEOPLE TOO!
So Don't Hate

A Conversation with the Brilliant and Unappreciated Mind of Michael Moore

And now...

TERRORIST ARE PEOPLE TOO

Moore: Well young Timmy... they tell me that you've been watching Fox News lately... a channel that is Biased and Only tells one side of the story while making up insinuations about Liberals and our Friends... The Muslims.
Timmy: Golly Gee Mr. Moore... you'd Never do that in one of Your Documentaries huh?
Moore: Ummm yeah sure kid... anyway... what did you learn while watching Fox News?
Timmy: Gosh Golly Mr. Moore... all kinds of cool stuff... how to make a really neato kite that flies really really high... if you ever get lost you should always look for a policeman 'cause the police are our friends... oh and a group of 19 Arab Terrorist brought down the World Trade Center and crashed into the Pentigon.
Moore: Tut Tut... let's not jump to conclusions... what would you say if I told you that those 19 Arabs represented less than 1% of all the Arab people in the world?
Timmy: Golly Gee Willikers Mr. Moore... I had no idea... the Vast Right Wing Republican War Mongers and Haliburton never told me that!!?!! This must be some NeoCon ignoble blood for oil plot thought up by Dick Channey... Donald Rumsfield... and Tom DeLay... Please Tell me more.
Moore: Well... did you know that Hitler was Not a Arab? Neither was that guy that hit Nancy Kerrigan in the knee with the batoon... Jeff Gallooy.
Timmy: Jumpin Jehospaht!!! Really? This changes everything!!! Who else isn't an Arab?
Moore: Draco Malfoy... the brat that's always picking on Harry Potter... not a Terrorist!
Timmy: Nooooooo Way! I thought for sure he was an Arab Terrorist.
Moore: Timmy... that's another thing... using words like Terrorist and Islamic Fanatic are hurtful... very very hurtful... it's much nicer and more sensitive to call them Freedom Fighters and Follower's of Islam. Now another thing... since 19 out of 19 of those... "Freedom Fighters" were of Arab desent... the chances that an Arab will carry out any more Bombings and Hi-jackings are much much less now.
Timmy: Oh I get it... they've already met their quota... Golly that means... the next terrorist could come from anywhere... even my native Denmark! Holy Macrel... My Grandma could be a *gasp* Terrorist!
Moore: Exactly! But don't worry too much... there isn't any oil under Denmark so Bush wont go to war... he just does that to poor Oil producing countries.... just so we can have cheeper gas to fill the engines our gas guzzeling cars.
Timmy: Golly Jeepers Mr. Moore... you mean like that tricked out SUV you pulled up in? Oh... and I thought we invaded Iraq onacountuv Saddam had weapons of mass distruction and junk?
Moore: Well... where are they? Obviously there were none or we would have found them.
Timmy: But didn't he kill thousands of his own people with lethal weapons like sarin gas and amthrax?
Moore: Yeah... but we sold them too him!
Timmy: Oh I see... so when those two loosers shot up all their friends at Columbine High School... they had NO persoanal responsibilites for their act... it wasn't their fault... they were victims of the Gun Lobby and it was the fault of the guy that sold them the guns... and the Christian Coalition... and Tom Delay... and... and when Hitler Gassed the Jews... it was the Chemical Companies Fault... how were the Nazi's to know poison gas would kill them?
Moore: Now you're getting it.
Timmy: Well Paint me Red and call me a Barn Mr. Moore... it sure has been swell talking to you and learning the real truth.
Moore: Sure thing young Timmy... now that will be $15.00
Timmy: Huh... for what?
Moore: I'm effin' Michael Moore bitch... you didn't think this was for free did ya?

YEAR NOT COMING TO AN END TILL DECEMBER 31st SEEN AS A MAJOR DEFEAT FOR BUSH ADMINISTRATION
December 30, 2005
by The PATriotBlog
Anonymous sources inside the White House, speculated that possibly there was an outside chance that maybe the President wouldn't have minded if this year came to an end a day earlier. It is believed that the President was hoping to put 2005 behind him. A year full of mis-steps, gaffes and possible illegal activities that was speculated may have occurred.

Senate Democrats rushed to the floor to protest what they called AND WE THE MEDIA GLADLY TRUMPETED, "A culture of Moving On"

Senate minority leader Harry Reid said, "The President wants us to just go on like tomorrow is the day before a new year. Well not under our watch Mr. President... you big Loser!" Other Democrats threatened a filibuster if the Republicans tried to start the new year on the first of January.

Senator Kerry, who according to Rush Limbaugh, served in Vietnam, added this. "I don't see a need to RUSH into a new year. We should let the year inspectors do their job first. We have 2005 contained. What we should be doing is going after 2004. If I was president, we'd have a coalition of countries to make sure changing the year is the right thing to do. We need to go back to the UN and get permission from the general council. This administration is recklessly taking us into a go it alone year change.

Kayne West, noted musician and rapper, which makes him more than qualified to comment on politics, had this to say. "Bush hates Black People... that's why he wants to change years. He aint messin' wid no broke broke..."

Press Secretary, Scott McClellan, was quick to point out that the year ended on December 31st during other administrations and that this was perfectly legal and with in the President's constitutional powers. This was verified by a quick Google of [when does the year end] but McClellan is a Republican and not to be trusted so we fact checked it with similar searches of Yahoo and Ask Geeves. All three seemed to verify the Press Secretaries statement... so we brought in our own expert to pooh pooh it and cast doubt on it.

Author and unabashed FDR butt kisser, Doris Kearns Goodwin had this to say. Yes it's true that many years ended on the 31st during other administrations. One time President Howard Taft forgot to buy his wife a Christmas gift the week before and she didn't speak to him until well into the 2nd week of January. But yeah... Bush sucks! Okay, make the check out to Doris K. Goodwin... hey do you guys validate parking??

MY WACKY
IRAQI NEIGHBOR

Hi, my name is Patrick Stuckey and I am the writer and creator of this blog. If you've just started reading me... welcome... if you are a returning guest (and theres a few of ya) thank you... please seek help.

Anywho, I thought I'd take a slight break from my "Drudge-esque" like news reporting to tell you a little about my next door neighbor Bob.

About 2 years ago I got a new neighbor from Iraq. It was all part of the "Adopt a neighbor from a Foreign Country you Invaded and are Currently Occupying so that you can steal all their oil and give it to Dick Channey and Haliburton" program. Maybe you heard of it?

So like I said... Bob and his wife Josophat pretty much keep to themselves. Josi did come over about a week after they moved in to borrow a cup of goats milk but as luck would have it... I was fresh out. Anyway, my new neighbor, Robert Baghdad, has a rather... unique perspective on things. One day we were discussing the elections in Iraq...

(Me) So Bob... how's bout them elections over their in Iraq... Democracy Much??
(Bob) What elections... there are no need for elections unless our supreme commander and benevolent ruler Saddam Hussein determines a need for them. May Allah bless his loins and grant him many children.
(Me) But Bob... it's been all over the news... well right after the Valerie Plame leak stuff and "Bush wants to take away our civil rights" stuff... but surely you saw all those Iraqi people... voters... with purple fingers.
(Bob) That can be explained. In Iraq we celebrate the magnificence of our royal leader and omnipotent Prime Minister Saddam the Mighty... Saddam the Great... by dipping our fingers in purple ink. The Iraqi people love Saddam.
(Me) Hmmmm? But... isn't Saddam on trial... I think I saw that once on CNN between stories about Tom DeLay stealing elections Republicans taking our tax dollars and giving them to Bill Gates?
(Bob) All Lies! Saddam is our Leader... it is the criminal George Bush who will be convicted and hung from the highest tree in Iraq. Birds will pluck out his eyes and animals will eat his entrails till their bellies are full. Children will sing songs of Saddam's greatness and the goodness of his mercy. You watching the game tonight... Josophat is having a Tupperware party and it's gunna be wall to wall yapping women.
(Me) Yeah sure... come on over.

See what I mean... life in Suburbia... God Bless America

(Bob) And may Allah look favorably over all your camel and your daughters virginity.

Yeah... what he just said.