Sunday, December 04, 2005
Evidently there is an epidemic in America...
An epidemic of Female Teacher's having sex with male Students.
This leads me to ask a question that threatens to undermine the very Fabric of which this Country was Founded...
A question heretofore unspeakable...
A question of Deep Dark Secrets that until now...
Was thought buried safely... and permanently...
Swept neatly under the carpet...
A question that must be asked and asked right here and right now...
Where the #&%@ were all these teachers when I was in school???
But I digress... have you taken a really good look at some of these "Teachers Gone Wild"?
- Melissa Deel... the 30ish something Virginia Faculerette who is accused of having "sexual relations" with a 13 year old male student. Ewwwwwwww... I mean "Yuck" to the having sex with the toddler Melissa and "Yuck" to having sex with Melissa... 'sup with the mug shot? They need a new Reality show... "America's Most Wanted Makeovers". Hey guys... can you imagine waking up to that rubbing your thigh saying in a smokey... raspy voice... "How'z 'bout ONE MORE TIME Tiger, this time I'LL get on Top!"
Ummmm... Thank You... No!
- Then there's the case of California Teachypooh Sarah Bench-Solorio... charged with "Doing It" with TWO (count'em) TWO 13 year old guys. Hey I survived the Public School System and even I know two 13 year olds does not equal one 26 year old! They evidently were taking turns... one would be "Tripping the Light Fantastic" with Sarah while the other watched "Blues Clues" on the Big Screen... Helloooooo... pass me the oreos! That is Sooooo Not Fetch!
- And of course the MacMommy and most famous Grade School Bottom Feeder of them all... Mary K Letourneau. Okay I'll admit I might even hit that... take away the Astronaut's Wife hairdo... put her in something lacey... like a handkerchief... and you might have something. Now listen... just cause a girl's seasoned... and turned 30ish... it's not a death sentence... some of the best tasting Banana's have Brown Spots on them.
Wow... that was deep! *writes it down*
Okay maybe I'm being harsh... I realize guys are basically horndawgs and sluts and we'll hit just about anything... even the Melissa's and Sarah's of this world. My question is this...
Where are all the hawtie babe teachers?
I'm talking Michelle Pfieffer from "Dangerous Minds"... Jeri Ryan from "Boston Public"... Famke Janssen from "The Faculty"
Well thank God one babilicious bimbo hawtie teacher did manage to get caught and thrust into the spot light... yes were talkin' 'bout...
Pamela Turner Rogers
27 year old PE hawtie who's turn ons are...
Walking in the rain...
and guys that know their ABC's!
Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!
Pammy is also charged with 15 counts of sexual battery and 13 counts of statutory rape on a 13 year old boy...
You Gooooooo girl!
Let's take a closer look at Pam's resume'...
She's got the Biker Bikini Babe Look down... get me "MotorHead Magazine" on the phone... I think we found our Miss October!
Get me "Runway Skanks Magazine" on the phone... Pammy is the New Tyra... or is that Pink is the New Orange... who can keep up?
But while we're at it... how'z 'bout...
"Bride's Magazine Monthly"
Aint no thaaaaang but a chicken waaaang... It's all good!
I guess what I'm saying is... 13 year old guys of the world... let's keep the Fantsy FerRealz!
If you're gunna "do" your teacher... let's have more Turner-Rogers and fewer Deels and Bench-Solorio's.
But again I digress...
Let me take you back to the early 80's whenced Music Video's and my manhood was birtheded.
Heavy metal ruled and of course there was no band heavier than Van Halen. In 1983 they came out with "Hot for Teacher" and thus... a new Gold Standard was established for "doing" one's teacher.
And with that... I leave you with the following sage words from Diamond Dave himself...
Oh wow, man !
Wait a second man.
Whaddaya think the teacher’s
gonna look like this year ?
My butt, man !
T-t-teacher stop that screaming,
teacher don’t you see ?
Don’t wanna be no uptown fool.
Maybe I should go to hell,
but I’m doin’ well,
Teacher needs to see me after school.
I think of all the education that I missed.
But then my homework was never quite like this.
Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,
I’m hot for teacher.
I got it bad, so bad,
I’m hot for teacher.
Hey, I heard you missed us,
We’re baaaaack !
I brought my pencil
Gimme something to write on, man
I heard about your lessons,
but lessons are so cold.
I know about this school.
Little girl from cherry lane,
how did you get so bold ?
How did you know that golden rule ?
Oh man, I think the clock is slow
I don’t feel tardy
*Bonus Question: any guesses as to who the hawtie blonde is in the video above? Think... "The Great One"
No Not Mark Levine
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