Friday, December 30, 2005
My Whacky Iraqi Neighbor
Hi, my name is Patrick Stuckey and I am the writer and creator of this blog. If you've just started reading me... welcome... if you are a returning guest (and theres a few of ya) thank you... please seek help.
Anywho, I thought I'd take a slight break from my "Drudge-esque" like news reporting to tell you a little about my next door neighbor Bob.
About 2 years ago I got a new neighbor from Iraq. It was all part of the "Adopt a neighbor from a Foreign Country you Invaded and are Currently Occupying so that you can steal all their oil and give it to Dick Channey and Haliburton" program. Maybe you heard of it?
So like I said... Bob and his wife Josophat pretty much keep to themselves. Josi did come over about a week after they moved in to borrow a cup of goats milk but as luck would have it... I was fresh out. Anyway, my new neighbor, Robert Baghdad, has a rather... unique perspective on things. One day we were discussing the elections in Iraq...
(Me) So Bob... how's bout them elections over their in Iraq... Democracy Much??
(Bob) What elections... there are no need for elections unless our supreme commander and benevolent ruler Saddam Hussein determines a need for them. May Allah bless his loins and grant him many children.
(Me) But Bob... it's been all over the news... well right after the Valerie Plame leak stuff and "Bush wants to take away our civil rights" stuff... but surely you saw all those Iraqi people... voters... with purple fingers.
(Bob) That can be explained. In Iraq we celebrate the magnificence of our royal leader and omnipotent Prime Minister Saddam the Mighty... Saddam the Great... by dipping our fingers in purple ink. The Iraqi people love Saddam.
(Me) Hmmmm? But... isn't Saddam on trial... I think I saw that once on CNN between stories about Tom DeLay stealing elections Republicans taking our tax dollars and giving them to Bill Gates?
(Bob) All Lies! Saddam is our Leader... it is the criminal George Bush who will be convicted and hung from the highest tree in Iraq. Birds will pluck out his eyes and animals will eat his entrails till their bellies are full. Children will sing songs of Saddam's greatness and the goodness of his mercy. You watching the game tonight... Josophat is having a Tupperware party and it's gunna be wall to wall yapping women.
(Me) Yeah sure... come on over.
See what I mean... life in Suburbia... God Bless America
(Bob) And may Allah look favorably over all your camel and your daughters virginity.
Yeah... what he just said.
Definitely will have to get you on my blogroll.
You should start selling that Murtha gear on cafepress.com. I'd buy it.
Here's a Murtha photoshop I did.
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